Death: Our destination

Have you ever wondered what it’s like to die?

People hate to use that word or think about it when unfortunately or fortunately, it is inevitable. I do not see death as bad; just like life, I see it as one more thing we have to do to complete the ‘why we are on earth’ (now that’s gist for another day). Death like life is one of the stages unfortunately, one starts it and the other ends it (maybe cause if there is life after death, then it starts another phase).

It’s called temporary sleep meaning it is not bad at all cause sleep makes us rest, makes us forget the worries of the world and starts a ‘new beginning’ which most times is better. My only worry about death that makes it painful sometimes is when a young life is taken. It hurts me especially when I know that person did not even have a chance at happiness or goodness on earth. Why? Keeps coming up especially if he/she died a painful death; I believe so much in the teachings of the bible and at most times, I wonder if it’s an atonement of the sins of the parents.  

My younger brother died a painful death, I mourned for months cause I could not comprehend why he had to die so painful. I wondered, what his mum did or what did my dad do that he had to suffer so much before his death as atonement for their sin(s). I read about a 12years old girl (long time ago) that died of cancer. It touched me deeply- WHY. Premature death is painful, painful especially when the young had so much to give, to live for and was so lively. Yet, death is inevitable and I think of my own end.

Will I have the chance to know I am dying? Will I be given the chance to love and forgive and be forgiven before I die? Death can be tricky but I want to be more tricky that it.

When an elderly person dies, I feel nothing. One, they had lived, they had enjoyed they had the chance to change, to build, to commit so now, they can GO. Death is not bad when we accept that is the reason why we live. If you enjoy life, you should enjoy death cause the two go hand in hand. Funny, they say people write about their death. I am not writing about mine. I am just saying since we all know that it is coming and we do not know when, we should learn to appreciate life and death and do what is right so that when we are gone, we know we ACHIEVED our purpose in life (story for another day).

I have wondered about life after, I do not understand why we can not figure what is on the other side. I have had dreams of death, saw my dead family/friend in dreams, talked to them but it still did not give me a glimpse of what death is about. If it is a permanent sleep, then it’s peaceful and unknowing cause most dreams, you do not know is a dream until you wake up –that means, I might never know if I am dead. Maybe this is the life after, who knows. I have always felt I lived before now. Knew what and who I was, I can feel what I did and why I am back so yes, I believe in reincarnation. You just know, I have lived before do not ask me if I am clairvoyant.

Now, appreciate death, live to die, do what is right by you and by the good of all. Let’s make our death count when we leave.

TATA

(Dedicated to Kennedy (I will always miss you), Jibu, Blessing, Lola, Ogo, Tosin, my dad, Ona’s dad: May their soul’s rest in perfect peace. Amen) 

Dairy of a pained pretty woman

U think being ugly is a problem?

Then try being a pretty girl.

I remembered years back when a guy from school told me why he chose to date someone else other than me. He summed it up in this memorable statement ‘she cried for me, you can never cry for me cause you can get any guy with a snap of your finger’.

I never forgot does lines. Then, I called him low intelligent but today, as more of ‘him’ have manifested in my life in various ways, I see the pains every pretty girl goes through. They all want you, to pose with and let the world know they own you but insecurity will never let them commit to you.

One other guy told me ‘I can’t compete with all the attention you get’. That’s sad cause in my heart no one was competing with you so why the fear? Now, with all my certificates and job, they are more scared of a pretty girl with brains. Funny, I am not even where I want to be yet and they have a problem with all my achievements lol.

It’s also difficult when men ask for sex for jobs you have competence in, or in exchange for a job. We get hit on more yes but mostly by people we can’t even stand and sometimes, we are caught in a dead end. A boss who wants to lay you so bad he always gives you a query yes, I had to resign from a job cause of that. A lecturer that felt so much lust for you he did not care who was around in his class as he lectures that he took my face and kissed me in class. The rumors that go round when I am seen with any man, they just assume I have slept with them.

Had a boyfriend that till date did not believe my faithfulness and always imagined another man had slept with me and hated me for it - his obsession. Exes that refuse to go away even after they are married (like what the f**k). i call it 'sue and her men' lol.

It’s not being easy, it’s still a difficult task as I work with men in a field surrounded by majority of them. It did not help matters too that I’m busty. I won’t hear the half of it from boobilicious to the milk factory, To please let me just suck once (grrr). I have become a sex doll in the eyes of these men that all they see walking is ‘sex’. Its repulsive I must say. ‘Most desirable’: use to love that name in high school but detested it as the years passed by. Yes I loved the compliment from the ordinary man on the street or woman (u won’t believe) because another blessing (or curse you may say) was that I was blessed with lovely skin. A friend called it silky skin. Men loved to touch me. They say I am soft.   

It is also painful when you loose jobs just cause you refused to sleep with one of them. A guy (married o) told me once that he made his superior not to offer me a job because he knew he had less chance if we were colleagues. I almost killed him. He still pays for that till date. I am not called(before o) she that must be obeyed for nothing – the punisher.

A big flirt, I got into trouble so many times that guys mistaken my friendliness for ‘I want to screw you-ness’. I stopped being friendly and nice (straight face). More than 3 guys told me I look so sexy and f**kable when I am angry, how I wan take vex again for public? Cause they were right, I actually look so desirable when angry. I don tire o, this looks won’t kill me before my time. Twice, I have been slapped by guy's for refusing to date them. Yep, I was one of them girls cults fought for in school. Funny, I was neither of them’s girlfriend but yeh, they had a piece of me at one time or the other (laughing my flat ass out). Yep I am flat behind but that has not stopped them so imagine if I had that plus height…I did be dead by now. So its no news that through my secondary school to university days, I had friends fighting to be with me. Point of correction, to be known as the man handling the babe but not the man I wanted in my life. I actually dated a guy who hardly talked to me but was quick to let everyone know I was his babe and flaunt. Such is life o, the date no last. Everyone wanted to be my friend; both sexes. The girls were quick to bad mouth me to the sexy guys and get into their trousers and the guys would 'chop' and come to tell me, thinking it will get me wanting them– such stupidity.

That’s another minus for girls like us. We get all the sexy ambitious men but no BFF. Cause all them girls want the sexy ambitious guys even if it means going behind our back to tell tales or truths that can maim the affair. Funny. Don’t get me wrong, there are few nice girls out there and I love them to pieces. Just girls like me attract the wrong kinda girls and guys. We always do.  

So next time when you look into the mirror and hate your ‘not so fine’ looks, remember me and my problem cause you have a lot you will avoid, things that may never be a problem to you that I still struggle at 35 to run away from.

TATA

Who are you?

We breeze through life expecting something new

Our wants change whether achieved or not

Sometimes, we work hard at achieving a goal that it blinds us to the fact that we have already achieved it. Other times, we get lost in that goal not seeing the true fact that it is not for us and time to pursue another goal.

The beauty of the world is that it is a make believe shift that you can create what you want – making yourself happy or sad at any event.

The word ‘self’ has just being defined as ‘you’ but we fail to realize the impact ‘self’ has on ‘us’. When you understand your ‘self’ you tend to grow that ‘self’ and nothing limits you.

No man is an island, true, but don’t make that other wo/man be the definition of your happiness for they will also bring along sadness as wo/man knows only thyself and not the other and aims to please their ‘self’.

To believe in one's self is paramount as only you can grow your outer being from your inner being. To believe in your self is to build you mentally, shield you emotionally and exploit you physically. Do not let another's do these 3 things for you.

When you grow your mental state with happenings around you from the social, educational and religious happenings, you grow to know what you want, what you like and who you want to be. You sharpen yourself and exploit all your physical ability and know how to manage your emotions.

Life is easy when you know thy ‘self’.

Make this a point of duty to start to reflect on you, build you and EXPLOIT YOU. Only then will you start to appreciate and understand life, taking yourself to that point you want to be. Nothing is impossible, there is always a way round it.

DO NOT LIMIT YOURSELF!