Why is it that sometimes you feel like your world should just end. That u’ve seen it all, heard it all and done it all. U get bored of everything and can’t find solace in anything?
I'm at that point in my life again and it hurts. Hurts cos am barely in my 30’s and if I feel this way what will happen when am in my 40’s? or 50’s I dare say 60’s? How can life be so boring all of a sudden? How could I have achieved so much, done so much and loved so much in such a short while? Yes the only thing I think about right now is money and more money but for what? For those things that's still the same just different settings? It’s such a façade this world we live in.
Sometimes I feel maybe cos I have no MAN to share it with; don’t get me wrong, I've got lots of them in my life so am not lonely. I got the old ones refusing to go, past ones trying to make a comeback and new ones struggling to be the numero uno. But am looking for more, not good sex, not deep kisses but a soulmate. Someone that can make me laugh at everything and anything so they’ve also grown boring- for now. I try to be a lady and keep up but now I don’t think I can keep up the pretence any longer AM BORED.
I love my job cos i'm doing something I like- “writing” but it also has gotten boring. I write not the way I want, not mysterious or creative but to sell and make people understand, now what’s the creative ingenuity in that? Pls writing for people can be predictable yeh sometimes you get the aha! But yeh still predictable and don’t have that sweet funny feeling u get deep down in ur tummy when u write a real creative piece that will confuse, ignite and shake someone. With hidden meanings and soul searching facts. I LOVE TO WRITE but AM BORED WITH COPYWRITING.
I got friends that just crack me up every now and then. Though they consist of mostly men but they do- do me right lol. My lady friends are drags, always wanting something from me. From me hooking them with my great male friends to finding a man to take us out. Or they want a hide out, or just hear me tell them about my version of what life is to be. Yes, there are some that gets me laughing but then again, it’s the same ‘ol same ‘ol so AM BORED.
Now I think, is life just these things I have experienced? Is the church the answer? I’ve never being a fan or a religious fanatic so how can I find solace in the church? Its so damn BORING. I’ll be pretending to be something am not so am comfortable being the girl that is truthful to her God and loves Him with all her heart trying daily to please him just don’t send me to the church by force; AM BORED.
When am bored, I get to do things I shouldn’t. my other me step out for that moment of bliss and gets crazy. She aint nice, she don’t care and she is very EVIL. Yes, everyones' got a bit of evil in them but I got things in me with equal amount of power-no wonder my friends say I got multiple personality. The difference between mine and the foreigners is that I know after that my other me did what she did and though I get sober, I NEVER REGRET. So please find away and get me out of this dilemma.