One Fine Day7i

After I don vex say X no gree call me I mean three weeks! Does this guy even know that I am a hot and viable commodity that men are in need of? he come and leave me , no call, no text, no mail. Na so I drag the matter like say e pass the level. but really e pass, after all this man just said to me that we should consider moving our relationship to the next level, even though I no sabi the level, but it must mean something and if I am to be exclusive with a man who is old enough to be daddy, then I expect more. So I voke, I rake  but as usual after all my display, the man went on one knee.. ehn one knee?? omg, is he proposing? kia, I am not ready now. I didn't even rehearse my reaction, shud I smile, should I scream.  The guy open mouth tell me say "sorry, forgive me",just lackadat . it was feeling of relief and disappointment mix together, wet flood my body.  wait oh, was I really considering marrying this man, would have I said yes? I no fit answer myself. sha the man beg me; told me all bout the training, his visit to his family and of course he had a quick call at the hospital but quickly assures me,  its nothing.  then my phone rings, its Josh. Been a couple of days, after traffic no gree me make am to our dinner date. bloody traffic, it was almost as if God was whispering to me. Thinking about it now, the Big Man upstairs was preventing me from the eventual drama wey Josh con take my eye see but tori neva reach that side.. I sat in the cab for hours, he even sent his driver to meet me half way but we missed our sef, eventually I had to make the hard decision of returning home., no chinese dinner, no second meeting with Josh. 

I soon forgot about him since X's return but today, the man Josh called me but I couldn't take the call, not wit X starring at me so intensely. X stood with a bit of difficulty again: is your leg hurting you? I asked " something wrong?" he smiles and instead of replying asked if I have given a thought to our discussion.

oh I have been thinking about it, so much. " but what exactly do you mean by taking it further?"

"definatlely not marriage." he said with irritating calmness.

"oh, pray tell what you mean". my voice dripped with sarcasm and he sensed it.

"babe, it would be unfair for me to ask you to marry me. trust me I want you for keeps.I mean I can say I love you very much...

"but" I interjected.

"but I can't marry you." 

he said in  the annoying matter-of-fact voice, by this time, I was struggling to remain composed. he can't marry me. so I am unmarriable abi kini? 

so I asked: " because of…"

he looked at me with a sad-like smile:

" because I don't want to have kids anymore and I just had a vasectomy done to..."

vasecto wetin? are you kidding me? is that why your walking with difficulty? is your… your something gone?

it sounded stupid, but I just had to ask. I mean what does this mean?

X may be older than me, but love making was the ISH (and am not saying more).

 " are you freaking serious" I yelled.

" the lil man is still intact, I just can't shoot to score" he said with a smile.  Egbami ke, make una look Lionel Messi, shoot to score ko.  I stood starring at him for so long, unsure what to say, so I said: "Wow, a vasectomy".

I collected my bag and the stuff he got me ( I no go bicos of vex fashi the gucci sunglasses or the coach clutch, or the dresses) and I walked out, kept walking not looking back, even as he yelled my name. I flagged a cab:" lungbu". cabman: "N3000". I no argue,I enter . A vasectomy? wow. he sure has made things very simple. This is clearly the end of the relationship but it was the beginning of another problem as I would soon find out.

One Fine Day9

that was how ooo, me and  Josh launch into this whirlwind-like romance oo.  It happened so fast, e be like film. In my mind, I was like: ol' girl you don nail am. Soon spending a day no do, I began sleeping over(too soon abi, me sef I no, but I couldn't careless) and before I could say Jonaaa, I had spent 2 weeks cohabiting with Josh. Everything moved with bazuka speed; I was so happy, I don begin dey feel like super mario: ibi nima kusi (na hia i go die), and of course been with him, came with all the perks: a car, a driver, chef, major laulau things.

 Josh, nerdish was a workaholic, he worked so hard and so much, it helped me study for MA (one plus from the relationship) and when he got off work, we indulged in all sorts( just imagine). The sex was good, it wasn't great but e pass management and with a little tutoring as time went, it will come up to par. I was almost believing this soft spoken man was just perfect until this peculiar morning when I overheard his conversation with his security guard. Baba Aro was in his early 70's, and walked with a limp. He was quite a drinker, but he was respectful and feared Josh a great deal. I just think am say na respect, but when I witness Josh slam his basketball straight at Baba Aros's head and accompanying the slam were heavy-heavy epes(curses). Wow I began to have a rethink. Josh came upstairs noticing I overheard him, gave me a grand story of Baba's offence, he began to kiss me and I soon discarded the matter, little did I know my own sef dey come. 

So Josh had a temper and whenever he flew off the handle: handle go los, pot go trowey,  shebi if na only  temper, e go for beta, the guy com and have skun-skun and I will tell you one particular episode...

Na so we lie down for bed one night,. we were gifting, na so for the middle of  gist, he suddenly sat up and said to me: "shhh, someone just entered" 

I sat up in fright: who? abi na thief? my mind was racing. This frail looking Josh cannot protect me ke, haa I don mis waka ooo. He told not to panic that the person was climbing up the stairs, the per on is on the stairs and I should not worry??? are you freaking kidding?  then the freaky part- he says the person who is coming up the stairs is  carrying an envelope. I was like post man at 1am?  I tried to strain my ear, I couldn't hear jack. I mean how did he know someone came into the house, when the door no open, is climbing up the stair and is carrying an envelope? no be bed me and am dey? I looked at him, shivering in fright.

He smiled like "Don Chachu" and pulled me into an embrace : the person is wearing red and black and had just dropped the letter in front of the bedroom. "yeee" my side of the bed was right beside the door, instanta, I jump go the other side. he now told make I no worry, that a lot of people are trying to drag him into some dodgy business and he has refused, so they threaten all the time, with all sort, that he has special powers adding that as our relationship progresses, he would tell me more, in short he is not an ordinary person. I stared at him in shock cum disbelief, reading psalm 23 a million times in my mind. Special power? People want to kill him? He can see what others can't??? 

Kai JAZZ you don mis waka patapata.  Yes my name is Jasmine, everyone call me Jazz, clearly my nickname had drawn me to a jazzman.

I held vigil that night, starring at the door: "oh lord, pls see me through this night, once morning come, am outa here. I swear." I prayed over and  over, while Josh slept like a  baby.

Eventually, morning came, did I pack my things and leave, of course not, I stayed on because when morning came, everything changed, I forgot all about it. Ashy I was saving myself for my own ...

One Fine Day8

i am walking down the very dusty and jagajaga road to my house , still in disbelief at this Vasecto-nonsense wey X jus tell me so. Question is: what is the purpose of asking me to consider moving to the next level? as in koyemi. i may not be in love with the man, but I do nurse deep feelings for him abi why else am I so pissed at the nigger? so he just wants to keep me around for nothing, to continue to service his engine when money is not even filling my pocket. I’m no gold digger, but I don't plan to suffer( suffer no dey work, e no dey pay, ask  anti Lara for the details on the matter). I was lost in this deep thought and clearly it was ruining my day, as I just displayed madness for an okada man who  took a swipe at me. Even shame catch me after the drama, as people just gather dey look as I curse the man generation.  Clearly this X issue was messing me up and I had to get myself out of the rot. So I went through my contacts; who can I go call. should I call SG? no way, I wasn't in the mood for any guy yammering love talk in my ears. Who else can I call ooo, or maybe Adede- the man is filthy and rude jo, with this mood of mine, if Adede says something offensive, slap may meet face, so make I avoid fight. Who do I call? Surely no girls, no energy for gossip. Na so I dey scroll phone book and there it was. I choose to call Josh my latest toaster. We have been trying to hookup but for different reasons, no chance. He picked at the first ring, I think to myself say, yes ooo, he’s been waiting for me to call. We sha chatted about orisirisi jargons and then he says, what are you doing now? Not much-as a jobless student cum wanna be actress. 

"Come over",

“hmmm tempting" I say. 

 "I’m a gentleman" he says. Make I go jare.

Sharply, I rush go house, change my cloth and flew okada halfway, cabbed the rest( packaging is key). I arrived at the pretty decent house, too big for a bachelor or did I assume he was. He didn't look as young and yes I was right, he had been married once and there was a child. For my mind I think: why me? Why can't I just meet a young guy, no attachments. I am just about to walk out of a relationship with man, almost as old my papa with a family and now this one upon a marriage guy. Oh lord why ( na so I dey cry for my mind) but something did strike a cord in me about this soft-spoken geekish man, who had a charm about him and ohhh he was actually intelligent and for the first time, I was mildly intimidated, and intrigued. We spent the entire day together; talking and talking by the time he got me back home late in the night, I had broken up with X in my mind and onto the next one with  Josh. 

Should I have thought more about that move? yes! should have I applied brakes? yes!  Should I have walked from this new adventure? oh yes. Ii for don run. comot shoe, trowel bag and run for safety. Instead I ran into Josh, I ran in headlong, I ignored whatever warning bells and yes it almost cost me sanity, my life, my future. Yes meeting Josh changed my life completely and na here the story just begin...

Still there is the pending matter of X, who I never actually broke up with. In my mind, I didn't think he deserved it after all, he no tell before e go lie down for slab, say make them comot his able scorers. 

but lowo yi, na to be continued we dey.

One Fine Day7

X and i had carried on for some 6 months. he wasn't as generous as Fish and not an A-hole like Ba'Kabby. He was a gentleman, respected me, regardless of the many years apart in age. he showered me attention and if there is one thing that can guarantee a man's place in my heart, is attention. i just need to know i am at the centre of your universe. and that X did. he wanted to spend everyday with me, every spare time and yes , did we have a blast. we played like teenagers, giggled liked kids and o' boy we can gossi for Africa; i was at home here i told myself. 

so when X had told me, as i sat on his laps in his office, surfing the internet; that he wanted to take the relationship to the net level , i was elated, still caution bell sound for my brain, make i no too jump. if i become X's , it meant we were gonna be exclusive. this is not to say i was cutting shows oo, lailai. i believe in one man-one woman. but was i ready to be with this man, who was 23 years older than i was. he wasn't just any man, X is quite notable, he held some significant position in work and society, people were gonna talk. what will my father say? the man as it stands, has already given up on me. this will just be the final topping topping on the cake.

and there is the matter of his family. his first son was just 3 years younger than i was; there is the Mrs. X, even though they've  been divorced for nearly a decade, still calls the shot. she is a partner  at his firm, they have joint ventures and the woman already looks at me funny. and he wants us to move our relationship forward. hmmm

 what will i do now? only one person can give me the truth, no matter how painful and that person is Big sis.

Big sis(my elder sister) lives across town with her family- her twin boys and philandering husband- oniranu. why she stays married to the goon, beats me. imagine the suegbe even tried to make a pass at me, kiakia i put am for im place, no time for radarada, but she married him and that is her choice. she and i never see eye-to-eye on any matter and its been about 2 years we last spoke. this is a major decision here: X is rich, he would take care of me, i would enjoy few luxuries- business class seats, a few top notch designer gbogbo-es, good school for my kids and vacation maybe once or twice a year. if i wanted to enjoy some better luxuries like boat cruses, and deep splurge, then i would have to earn a living, which really isn't a problem. X would get me a well paying job or set me up on business. Nah- i not want him to set me up, he would want to be on the board and have a say so ( he can be controlling), fat salary job is better; i would work my ass off and give myself a fabulous treat without having to stand in front of him, asking for money like a beggar.  A better life seem guaranteed if i'm married to X. still i had my doubts.

 i called Big sis back to back, a total of 12 times before she finally picked my call. her reason-  she wanted to be sure, it was important. she went on with her sermon on morality, demeaning my way of life, which at the moment is far better than her own. after she made her self and life feel much superior to my very meaningless existence, i told her i had found a man and i think i am ready. it was then she asked that i come over.

though i got to her house via public bus and Okada, i was clad in very well fitting Armani jeans (courtesy Fish),  yellow Ralph Lauren shirt(courtesy Ba'Kabby), my blue DKNY hand bag( courtesy X), my very famous red alligator skin peep toes (courtesy Balogun market)  and i was smelling like a million dollar(courtesy Mai). the boys were happy to see me, one look at me, she hissed:

" how are you even able to afford all these designers?"

 i smiled: " i can tell one thing, no home was broken in the process."

she looked at me with utter disdain and in her stern no nonsense voice she asked for details on X., of course i tell am every, as e take be.

she was silent for a long time( my sister can be that dramatic, i don't like her, but i trust her judgement.)  after wetin be like forever, she open mouth tell me: " i don't think you should marry him."

haaa, just like that? just like that. she replied.

"no one would believe you are not marrying this guy for money. what? you are in love? maybe you think so now. give it a few years, when his dick is limp and he would need a viagra to get it up, by which time you would be in your prime, in need of a very profound shag (shag? my sis just said "shag… oga)  you are only 25. whats the hurry?  you want to spend the better part of your life nursing an old man, when you should be done raising kids and rediscovering yourself, living your life to the fullest just in case you missed out on it whilst raising kids. (wow, i can't believe my sis was saying this, i did mention she was painfully honest, but not this blunt i guess). Look, i don't think you should, but that's my opinion. you need to make your own choice. after all , what do i know, i married a man, who can't keep his willy in his pants while i am starved of sex- ironic abi. i am no fool honey but when the time comes, all of una go shudder".( lobatan,sis yarn pidgin)

we talked about many things after that and i took my leave. i was lost in thought on the Okada ride back home. what do i do. i mean, the man has not proposed yet. he just said next level. maybe next level is not marriage. maybe i am just over thinking things. 

all these thoughts floated around my head, as i mounted the steps to X's office. he was right at the door, to welcome me. i noticed as he walked with a bit of difficulty as he went back to his seat. we chatted about orisirisi, but i just had to ask about this his constancy wincing in pain, that was when he told me the shocker of lifeeeeeeeee...

One Fine Day6

True to Fish's word, he came back a week later. he did buy all CuzT listed and again she drove me to him.  it wasn't my happiest day for me, as i had just flunked a test. This PGD program no easy at all but the hardest part is footing the bill, of which i needed to pay the last instalment, else no exam. after graduating and waiting 10months no job, i say make i go do Post Grad, maybe that will give me more advantage in the job market.  however with all the  house rent, feeding, and school bills to settle; to concentrate read sef, na long tin.  Fish had noticed i wasn't in the best of moods when we arrived. he queried me and CuzT quickly came to the rescue, narrating my predicament.  Fish went in and bam, just like that, handed me the balance of my fees plus a very healthy something on top. Whaat!!!! i love you God and i do believe in miracles; still i wasn't gonna give up the goods just because he gave me money.  Ada, my friend from school had once spoken these wise of words of wisdom:"never give up the goods just cos of the money. if he likes the sex, the pay is steady, if he doesn't, that is the end of the cash flow. so if you know say your spacing skill is below avrerage, keep your legs close, play hard to get. the more he chases, the more he gives". So far, it had worked for me. i was ready to quietly milk Fish for my needs and casually flirt for as long as i can. Besides, i think the only reason he is this nice is because he wants to get into my pants.  As CuzT and i drove home, she wondered why i was so casual about the money Fish gave me, especially, knowing how much of a lifeline it was. So i shared with her, another one of Ada's famous tips: "never be overjoyed when a man, especially a rich one gives you money, wey big pass you; simply because, if he can't afford it, he won't give you. so don't feel special with yourself". hmmm, CuzT nodded her head in agreement. Sharperly i gave CuzT 3months rent in backlog and advance her 2months rents, whilst adding to the generous thanks-for-coming Fish already gave her. i was able to string Fish for a while, until one day when e hook my throat. hmmm dis life eh… make i nack you the gist.

 As a jobless pelzon and an aspiring actress, na so i go one audition. na for there i jam an old school mate. we were not really friends, but we knew each other. how can you even miss Boogie, with her very amazing backside, that will stop you dead in your tracks. truly, the girl's hips no dey lie. i jam am for dia and we got talking. the audition ran into late evening and she couldn't go back to home so i offered to take her home with me. the next day, i had to see Fish and CuztT my usual escort no dey, so i asked her to tag along. good thing i did or…

Fish had smiled hungrily as his eyes swept all over  Boogie's behind. i introduced them and busied myself in the kitchen hoping find something to eat. i swear i was only in there for 10minutes microwaving lasagna, when i came out to find Fish tweaking Boogie's nipple, as his hand were under her shirt and hers in his pant. Mo Gbe!!! wetin be dis?  i went back into the kitchen quietly and returned a few minutes to make a noisy entrance, i still caught them struggling to disentangle from each other.  Fish called me into his study, and he told me quiet frankly that since i wasn't playing ball, he might as well, get a piece of whatever he can get. shocking!!!! well, no wahala. i smiled saying nothing.  he gave triple the amount i wanted and in return, i left Boogie in his house as i boarded a cab back home, was i offended? i was angry but then what did i expect from Fish but then Boogie. i didn't know her son well. so. but e pain me aha o. 

i called Ada for advice on how to handle this matter and in two words she said: "play cool".  That i did after all i still needed Fish's money to pay for my online Masters program which  was due to begin in a few months. Because you see, knowing how generous the man is; i don already calculate say i fit do the masters degree wey be say  i don discuss with am already and  he don agree to help with money. If I con dey form vexation na, who go lose? Na me na! So, i swallowed my anger and played nice. On his part, Fish still called me, still sent money and gifts or anything else i asked for and in return , anytime i went visiting, i always went in the company of a girl( Ada always sent me an escort). so i made Fish happy and he sorted me. That was our relationship, going forward. (i be pimp... ehn call me what you like) it was at one the parties Fish threw which i hosted that i met X. 

CuzT and i were in charge of catering and Fish in charge of drinks. i guess X noticed this woman, who was sweating profusely from cooking and serving. when i eventually sat, he sat with me and his first words knocked the wind out of me: "so you are Fish's girl?"  Excuse you? Fish's who? i gave him a dirty look and walked away. that was the end of the conversation. i avoided him the rest of the party..

 A couple of days later, i was at my friend's studio when i got a call. it was X. He apologised, told me Fish gave him my number. Why must some men be stupid before sensible? i wonder. anyways we got talking. he asked where i was, i told him. we were still talking on the phone when he said which of the houses. whaaat? "you are here?!" i ran downstairs his car was down the street. We talked till way past midnight in his car. i looked at this very dashing man(BTW, i love good looking men), who was quite some years in age ahead of me and i found myself been drawn to him. To cut the long story short, it was only a few weeks later, i realised X and i were in a relationship and it was beautiful. unlike Fish , X wasn't generous with his money, at all, at all. In fact, he only gave half of what ever it is you need and not every time sef.  no cash or gift, but his time, his love, his attention… i had it all. those ones he gave, without battling an eyelid. if he dey middle of meeting and i call am, he is there for me. it was fresh, it was what i needed, someone to actually care. Though the money wasn't greasing the palm as frequently, i was good with what i had. We had gone on for about 6months, not defining what we have, 3 weeks earlier, when he asked that i think about moving forward in our relationship. wow if he did ask me to marry him, i will without bathing an eyelid. i liked him that much.  But there were a couple of issues which weighed heavily on mind…
 But na tomorrow gist be that, right now; i've got mummy duties..

One Fine Day5

Wow X is back... after almost 3weeks away. No calls, nothing; and he expects that i just jump and enter road just because he is back in town, lailai. And na so i tell am. he of ocurse apologies profusely. like seriously, i am tired of all these apologies. i'm not having it jo. i aha told him i had plans and would see him another time. Don't get me wrong, i really do like X, of all my rainbows, he is the only standup guy, ok man cos X is not in my age range/group but he really treats me well. As at 3 weeks ago, i had considered a serious relationship with him, inspite of the age difference. after all ,  most of the guys in my age range were punk asses, at least the ones i had been coming across lately.  But as X had gone radio silent for those 3 weeks, even though i knew he was visiting his family( according to him, he's separated from his wife for about 8years); i am having a rethink.  Ehen but you know, i really can't talk about Josh without telling you how i met X..  i met X at Fish's party. who be Fish? make i gist you.

so i had met Mai through a mutual friend, he had just gone  through a nasty divorce and was too thankful to have come out of that marriage with his life intact.(not gonna bother you with all the gossip) for Mai; he was a bit skeptical about a relationship even though he liked me at first sight, and i no blame am. But from me to him, it unatrraction at first sight, but bicos we don dey talk for phone for like some months, i just didn't think it fair to bin the communication we had built. but sha, i knew that this was not the guy for me. so it Mai, who invited me to the event where i met Fish, through whom i now met X.

Mai invited me to this poker game, according to him, he was the chairman poker after party. i had never seen poker been played, not even witnessed gambling firsthand, and if this was gathering of rich men who just wanted to gamble their earnings away, i better be there to watch. so i went. it was at this poker thingy, i met Fish.

all the men, at this game of a thing, were all nerdish looking but smell like EGO/KUDI/OWO/MONEY. everyone here was a millionaire, so i began to have another look at this very unassuming Mai ( the guy fit get money set, and you know as money be, it can ginger this attraction i find missing) so peradventure, this guy may be very loaded (yes, i like money. i cannot come and suffer).

as i land the place, of course all eyes were on me, not cos na me beautiful reach like that, but i was the only female in the place. Mai took his time to walk me and sit me in a corner, just so all the men know to lay off  but not Fish.  he came to sit two chairs away from me, nodding me his greeting. i smiled back politely and continued starring at the men gambling chunks of money. i was lost in the view when Fish handed me a magazine: " something to read? i accepted and flipped through. he also busied himself with a newspaper.  i was flipping through when i heard Fish whisper:

 " hey beautiful, can i get your number?

 i look around me, who talk? i looked at Fish, he focus for the paper.  then the voice came again:

 " don't look at me, just listen" 

 kai na Fish dey talk ooo. see 007 oo, i talk for my mind. i was intrigued.  

He continues: "i don't want your boyfriend to see me talking to you, so pretend your reading your magazine"

 wow, this is some James Bond chepsing, 

 " i like to see you alone, gimme your number" he said

 i  declined. 

" okay lemme give you my number" he dictates it, 

me sef, i played coy as i stylishly got the number. Then he says to dial him, as he wasn't sure of the number. me sef dial am.

 he smiles:" now i have your number. i will call you cos you will never call me". with that he stood and left. i was too stunned and impressed at this man in his forties playing such a number.  Fish did call call and kept calling and calling me, asking to hook up:  clearly he wasn't having No for an answer. i no no weds na fear, i  just no gree and he didn't stop. See eh, i no refuse  bicos say Mai go talk o, because by this time, Mai and i had already gone our separate ways. we realised early enough, what we had was phone chemistry and not physical chemistry.  so that chapter, just like Ba'kabby case closed.

Back to Fish; after the man gimme break for sometime, naim, one day, he call and say,  its important that we see as he going outta town. important ke, kilode. As usual my response was no, but CuzT(my paddy with whom i shared a flat) had just about had enough of me refusing, so she offered to drive me, under the pretext, she just had to see the man named Fish( what kind of name be Fish sef) and possibly take him off my hand. gladly take him, i said.  Na so we go. as we land the very posh flat, i saw his luggage by he door, truly he was travelling. he handed me a small bag and envelope and thanked me for coming. we chatted for a few minutes and that was it. he asked that if i wanted anything, CuzT quickly rattled out a list of items. na so we comot. na inside motor i see say na 50k dey the envelope and the bag contained bottles of  fragrance, perfumed oil and a wristwatch. i smiled.. indeed i don catch big Fish.  still i no too trust the man given the method with which he came after me.  i soon found i wasn't far from the truth…

One Fine Day4

finally, Ba'kabby had come to his senses, i thought to myself as i walked towards him. A man steps out of the shadows, smiling awkwardly. Hi, he said meekly. i looked at this bespectacled man, clad in a polo and combat shorts. he looked every inch a dork. " you called me? i spat.
 "i'm sorry to bother you, i just thought the man with car was disturbing you… "and you thought to save me" i interjected. he smiled. for my mind , i was like: ghenghenghen, voltron defender of the universe.
"i apologise for dragging you all the way here" his words broke my thoughts.
"well am here now, so?
he introduced himself as Josh and talk about how he saw me, storming off and Island boy Mo disturbing me.  In a matter of seconds , we were gisting and laughing like old pals. he told me how he was outside waiting for his friend; like me, he detested the joint. whoa like minds(i thought)  and just like a miracle, he mentioned he lives close to my lungbu. i did a quick mental calculation in my head, if this guy gives me a ride close to my lungbu, i can call my paddy to pick me up, that way my 10k is intact as i get big plans for money no be small. . 

I size the guy again, he looked quite frail and  harmless. `Behind the glasses, he wasn't bad to look at but na yellow man. i don't really dig yellow men.  He spoke well, infact grammar too much, thank god say i go school. hmmm,  but how do i ask for a ride without him misreading it? This gal just needs to get home, away from the shame Ba'kabby who hasn't still bothered if i dey or don comot, had put me in. then i had a brilliant idea, if i can keep him gisting for another 2 hours, 4am go nack, that way i can get a ride and maybe even bike my way for only N200. it seemed like a good calculation. i was still toying with idea when Ba'kabby stepped out of the joint. he looked at me scornfully and Josh. he just dragged me by my arms. oh no you don't. i lost my temper, but quickly controlled it as i no wan show say i be area gal, i mean this is potentially a new toaster, with seemingly good etiquette.  i called on Bro Jay to caution his brother. Bro J appealed to me and apologised profusely, his friends follow join mouth. well a demon you know is better than an angel you just met. na so i tell Josh say i gats go. we exchanged contacts and na so finally at almost 3am, we made it into the club. of course the moment we entered, Ba'kabby disappeared. me sef no worry, i too fine for one odenson to dey misjive. i knew, this friendship had finally reached the end, and this time, no going back. as i dey dance dey go, who i see.. Mo, island boy. he apologised for his gross misconduct and asked to buy me a drink. i declined politely. we parted ways when he saw i wasn't giving him the time of night. i mean, how can i respect a man, wey dey carry ashawo. imagine how many evil spirits tinz dey follow am. call me superstitious na you sabi. any man wey dey follow ashawo is not welcomed into my space. and that goes for Ba'kabby who i sighted squeezing some random oyoyo baby with heavy makeup and bad weave  in a corner, just near the toilet. the babe sef was caressing/massaging his blokus. i shake my head, enter toilet.   5am, Ba'kabby showed up, it was time to go. 

in front of my gate, just before i got off the car, i told him calmly: " Ba'kabby pls never to call me again." with that i slammed the door and walked into my house. i hit the bed so fast, na phone call wake me. it was Josh , inviting me to an early dinner at some fancy restaurant. well, good food is hard to pass up, so i said yes.  we talked on the phone for a while longer and  went right back to sleep. my phone rings again; Its X.. He's back in town and he wants us to see today. tonight ke, i have a date oo, but i couldn't tell them because you see in my sea of toasters, friends and the guys i am eternally posting; X is the guy i am seeing, in other words, X is my boyfriend but the story get k-leg.

but na tomorrow be that. hunger is wiring me, make i go chop.

One Fine Day3

Na so i stand for road o, fuming in anger. Ba'kabby had done this to me again. he didn't even follow me. i glanced behind me into the joint, he was chirping happily like an over stuffed bird with some lousy nuisance. why do i always get myself in this sticky situation with the idiot. how is it, that this bloated teddy has no regard for me. so what if he buys me nice things… once in a while and takes me to classy restaurant? i am most certain, some other random guy would have done same without making a fool out of me at every given opportunity. this guy has just finally ruined my Friday. no wahala, na to dry go house.  I was thoroughly pissed at this shitty situation. 1am! and  no where close to home, i swear i had just about had enough of Ba'kabby. 

The car pulled so close to me, i shrank away: are you blind? i hissed. i heard a voice: "excuse me"?  who? me? this guy dey mad.?i resemble belewu, abi what can fa radarada? the guy pops his head out of his car: excuse me? i shouted back at him: you too excuse me! i was furious. imagine the nerve. i moved away, eyes searching for a cab. next thing i know the man is standing by me, he introduces himself as Mo. abeg i am not interested in your gist, i said with my eyes.  he stood trying to make small dry talk; asking my name and if i was interested in having a good time. i mean, egbami ke, this classical moron is trying to proposition me. Me? I don suffer. i blame am abu what decent lady will stand by the road side in front of a drinking joint at 1am trying flag down a cab. Hmmm i shook my head, Ba'kabby put me in this mess, and even till now he hasn't stepped out to try and dissuade me from leaving.  i scanned this Mo guy quickly: not bad looking, speaks well, dressed good, car on point, but na island boy and if what i hear about island boys has any truth, then this guy na wash.  a friend told me, except the guy says he lives in Ikoyi (cos ikoyi pips acceding to my friend are the real island buttis), but if na Lekki 1, ajah tinz … na wash o. the warning rang through my brain, plus i was too angry to even consider Mo or whatever his name., so i told him emphatically: " Oga, whatever it is your selling, i aint buying" with that, i walked to another side of the road. where are the cabs when you need them, i asked myself. i soon forgot about Mo and focused on a cab home. finally a cab pulls up, Iju! i said. the guy look me, 10K . whaatt!!! 10 kini, you be thief? i hissed, the taxi man sef hiss join and sped off. 10k ke, that is all SG gave me. meet, i don mis waka today. should i just go to club down the road and hang there till 5am? its  friday,which means i will have to pay to get in. lailai! i will stand by this road and hope for miracle.

 A few minutes had passed when someone tapped me: madam, that man dey call you" if looks could kill, this messenger would have be stoned dead but he ignored and  repeated himself. for a moment i though, Ba'kabby had come to sense, as this messenger pointed into the direction where he had his car parked. " which man?"  the messenger just pointed, i saw Ba'kabby in the background; oshisko, the punk had come to his sense.  hmmm, i go show this guy, i so deal with him; i murmured quietly as i walked towards the direction i was pointed.

A man stepped out of the shadows. As the light caught his face, i noticed it wasn't Ba'kabby, it was  someone else; a stranger i had never met. this meeting did change my life forever and na here the tori begin proper, but that gist no be now i go talk am.

sleep is catching me.

Story by Biodun Stephen Oladigbo check her up on Fcaebook

One Fine Day2

Ba'kabby was standing right in front of  Divalcious when my cab pulled over. he scans me from head to toe, beckoning to follow him. Not even a hello, hi… shio. The guy can be so rude, oshi o da. anyway, i followed him, my vexation disappeared when i saw the glorious dresses on display… chai, this is heaven. he asks that i look around and pick something comfortable.. it took me only 20 seconds to find the outfit- one leopard skin mono strap swing dress. he hissed and handed me something from the 40's . i was like: are you mad? me to wear that.? after much drama, cussing and f-bombs between us both. we settled for a shirt dress. that is Ba'kabby and i , our relationship/friendship is one-kind- absurd matter. we never agree on anything. we fight and argue all the time and over everything., still he will not leave me alone and neither can i, given all the little pleasures he afford me. which is why, i will keep posting till he gets tired of my shit. anyway, na so, he buy the dress and did throw in a nice pair of embellished sandal and even some earrings. he told me, he had a room at some hotel. i was like what is this moron thinking, that i will give him some, just because he spent 16500. abeggy! only me by  sef dey argue for my mind, as we drove to the place. as if he reading my mind, he hands me the key and mutters something about going to pick his brother. haas his brother, the sane one. at least this friday night no go bad if his brother comes along. hopefully we won't have a repeat episode of Ba'kabby dropping me off in the middle of nowhere at 3am , out of anger. that night, even though my liver was shredding, i got off the car and slammed it so hard. he just zoomed off. the guy no look back o, you see why i can never date him. somebody will have to die: me or him. of course he shows up 3 days laters, begging and apologising.  why do i hang out with the punk,i still don't know. sorry i digress. i quickly showered and was dressed in minutes. good thing i carry a lotion and spray in my bag. i  didn't realize i had dozed off until Ba'kabby was banging the door.  "heeee, bros J, good to see you." i hugged his brother. very nice guy, with proper manners.  how they can be related sef, na wonder.  Bros J, queried why i was still undecided about settling with Ba'kabby? i was like: look at the guy: an oversized teddy bear, with a nasty attitude.  he doesn't even know how to be nice, everything na gangster loving. is he TUPAC ? we all laughed. soon we enter road, from the list of stops involved in this friday waka. i wasn't sure my energy go fit support the pa-roll.

After a Chinese dinner and  2 bars plus plenty boring political and soccer conversation , that i really don't give a rat sass about, we were headed for the club, yeah baby; lets go shake that thang. then again, we stopped at this drinking joint, notorious for heavily pot-bellied men and their young girlfriends. the last thing i wanted was to be viewed as a runs gal, especially since Ba'kabby looked exactly like this men, only he was just a few years older than i was. and then, there was also bros J and his paddies. i just wasn't feeling the place. i chose to stay in the car. Ba'kabby assured, they just needed to block some guy for a few minutes.  at least that will allow me catch  20minutes of good nap, cos this club thing, i can't put my self on a long-tin. i gats to groove. na so i sleep. i woke up an hour later, to find myself still at the car park. i called Ba'kabby, repeatedly, he no answer. i marched to the joint and signalled him. he was already wearing a frown, so i know say, this wasn't going to end well. we had a small shouting match, calling me all sort of names, even me sef cursed the life out of him, i went to get my bag and threw his keys at him.  i caught bros J laughing and saying to his friends , thats how Ba' cabby and i fight all the time. 

i look time, it was almost 1am, how will i begin my journey at this time ehn? i would have to spend like 4k cabbing to my lungbu. this wasn't the plan i had for this money at all. na wa. i was still pondering when a car pulled over. this however, is not the koko of the story, i never even start the actual gist.

But i will gats to continue this story another time, customer just enter shop. abeg make i sell market.

One Fine Day

Its was a friday like any other. i lazed around in bed; no plans- immediate or later.  my phone rings, i was in the bathroom, it rings again; its SG.  Surprise, surprise!  He wanted me to go shopping for home appliances with him. hmmm he must have landed some wad, just didn't know how much. The previous week, i had picked out a flat for him. anyway, i had my bath in hurry and flag down the first okada i saw. at least, any which way, SG go dash me 5k, which is much needed. 

okada! Maryland!  we agreed after much haggling. in no time, i met SG in front of the store and we began shopping. 

we walked out almost 3 hours later with appliance worth almost 400k. ehhh he had to dash me 10k, i said in my mind. next we went grocery shopping and then to the market: goat meat, chicken, vegetable and gbogbo every.  In no unspoken terms, i had to cook all this trailer load of food for some hungry boys.  i changed the figure to 15k again. i mean, i can't do all this work and not pocket at the very least 10k. na only me by myself dey to do the negotiation for my mind. i made vegetables soup, chicken stew, boiled rice and made amala, by the time i was done, i was puffing and panting. the boys were very happy. SG wanted us to go see a tailor, to choose designs for his natives. i was like- guy  hope you go dash something for my wahala aha. i use eye size the money bag, it still looked heavy. i smiled wryly. just then my phone rings: it's Ba'kabby. He wants us to hang out tonight. i was dead tired, but Ba'kabby when in his element, is fantastic company. i knew he was hanging with some constructive pips, and wanted someone decent he could show off, if not his ashanas were always on stand by. My ensemble of jeans and tops was stained, i told him. Ba'kabby promised we'd stop over a boutique for a change of clothes. I was elated.  i told SG, i had to leave, after much harassing and persuading, he let me go and dashed me 10k, i still took 2k for cab. with Ba'kabby, okada was not an option.

SG drops me off at the taxi park, but not without letting me know, how much he likes me and how tired he is of this platonic business. "i go dey think am" i said, with that i boarded the cab: Opebi. i had to meet Ba'Kabby at the boutique. maybe he would throw in some shoes, as i looked at my pumps. 

wow, 10k in my pocket, and a new outfit on the way and a promising night of fine dining and rich conversation; this  day turned out real good after all, but mehnn i tire no be small. still i gate to go. i managed catch small sleep in the cab (this was back when dozing in cab was a safe thing to do)

But that is not the koko of this gist, because something  did happen that night, that eventually changed my entire life. but that is for another day,  Nepa/Phcn just brought light, and i need to throw laundry in the washer and iron my girls' uniform.

By Biodun Stephen Oladigbo (check her out on Facebook)